Does This Honor My Nervous System… or Betray It?

In my work as a doula, I’ve noticed that many of us spend our lives prioritizing other people’s comfort over our own. I see it in birth rooms, in postpartum homes, and in everyday life. I want to share something I’ve been practicing lately—something that helps me honor my own nervous system.

Are you a people-pleaser?

A chronic self-betrayer?

Someone who learned early that other people’s comfort mattered more than your own?

Yes?

Oh, hey… me too.

Honoring Myself in the Small Moments

Before I say yes to things.

Before I buy things.

Before I consume things.

Before I push myself to be someone I’m not that day…

I pause and ask:

Does this honor my nervous system… or does it betray it?

Not forever.

Just right now.

Sometimes that looks like declining an invitation I “should” be able to handle.

Sometimes it looks like not going to the event even though I already RSVP’d with a yes.

Or not having the conversation.

Or not buying the thing with the great marketing that promised to make me feel better.

Sometimes it looks like closing an app.

Turning off the TV.

Choosing quieter music.

Eating something that actually feels grounding instead of punishing.

Listening to My Body With People

I’ve started noticing this with people, too.

There are people I love deeply who still make my body feel anxious.

And others who don’t say much at all, but my shoulders drop the moment I’m near them.

My body always knows first.

Even getting dressed has become a question:

Does my body feel supported in this… or restricted?

I spent a lot of years choosing what looked acceptable instead of what felt safe.

This is exactly what I support in my work as a doula: noticing what feels safe for your body, honoring it, and making choices from that place rather than pressure, expectation, or obligation. Whether it’s during birth, postpartum, or everyday life, this practice is about reclaiming trust in yourself and your body.

Morning Rituals Matter

Mornings matter more than I realized.

Before my feet hit the floor.

Before my hands grab my phone.

I wake up to a gradual soft light instead of a jarring alarm.

I write down my dreams.

I breathe. Set intentions. Meditate.

I mindfully remember I’m in a body.

That’s not discipline.

That’s care.

Reflection at the End of the Day

At the end of the day, I look back… gently… and reflect:

Where did I honor my nervous system today?

Where didn’t I?

Not to shame myself.

I don’t do that anymore.

Shame never made me safer.

I just learn.

And I try again tomorrow.

A Message for You

If this is you, I want you to hear this clearly:

It is okay to choose your nervous system first.

Before expectations.

Before appearances.

Before being liked.

Before being “easy.”

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish.

It’s how safety is rebuilt.

And you are allowed to begin… right here. Right now.

Notice where your body feels safe today—and where it doesn’t.

You don’t have to change everything at once.

Safety first. Not forever. Just right now.

In my doula work, I witness the power of these practices every day. Honoring your nervous system—listening to your body first—is not just for birth or postpartum; it’s a blueprint for living more safely, gently, and fully in every moment.